Change & Resistance

What is something that’s constant? Change. What’s something I constantly have a hard time with? Change. 

My cultural upbringing avoided, resisted, and denied change. This resistance to life created undercurrents that influence me in my subconscious. They contribute to the experience of vague all the way to intense anxiety when I am confronted with upheaval, evolution, and movement. 

Change means habits can’t be the same; they no longer work. It makes getting through a day that much harder - the effort, the tedium, the unknown. Life on auto-pilot is disrupted and daily tasks require thought and energy.

In such times, my experience of the world contracts and things feel less spacious. They feel confusing. They feel overwhelming. 

It’s hard, in those moments, to realize things are always transforming and to remember how I have handled big and small changes, as well as everything in between, over the course of my life. I tend to forgot that through it all, I’ve been okay. I’ve made it though the dis-ease of shifting circumstances, relationships, environments, rhythms. 

I am finding hope in the possibility of learning to remind myself in the moment that I make it through. The challenging emotions and thoughts don’t last. Why? Because things always change! There are always seasons. 

That doesn't mean you don't miss that person that used to be there. It doesn't mean you can't wish you still worked there or that you still did that thing. It just means that where you are right now won't always be. Tomorrow will not be today. So it's okay to feel the things that today brings - the things to grieve and the things to celebrate. And it's probably helpful to also to reminder yourself about change and not to resist with a "no", but great each day with a "yes."

We really can do hard things. We really are quite extraordinary, aren’t we? We have weathered storms and we have made beautiful things. In the future, we will again make beautiful things and weather more storms. And we will be okay throughout, despite how it may look.

Hi, Change, I'm hoping to change my relationship with you. I desire to let go of resistance and embrace with a "yes." 

Today is its own thing. It's not anyone else's experience. It's not the experience I had yesterday or will have tomorrow. Change, I hope to swap out my efforts to do it right, to simply say: "yes" and listen to what you have to say, are bringing, and are offering in invitation.

-esb