Hedging My Bets - No More
Art is a mysterious and magical undertaking and experience. I will speak presently about the perspective as the “creator” right now, but there also exists mystery and magic in being the recipient or observer of art.
I wrote a song, maybe in 2015, that just came. It’s not a concept that I wrestled with and conceptualízed and intellectualized. I just wrote what came. In this instead because it was a song, there was melody. And because I am who I am, there was also lyrics. I don't know what came first - lyrics or melody - but here is what came:
“Hedging My Bets”
I want to hope more fully
I want to be all I can be
I want to breathe more deeply
I want to dream vividly
I want to love recklessly
I want to live with my whole heart
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I'm tired I'd hedging my bets
I'm tired I'd keeping it ALL in
I'm TIRED, of smotherin’ the fire
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I want to nourish the passion within
I don't to be afraid of my sin
Now is the time to rise above
I choose to burn bright
Live by faith and not by sight
Take the light into the night
———
I'm tired I'd hedging my bets
I'm tired I'd keeping it ALL in
I'm TIRED, of smotherin’ the fire
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I want to know what lies below
In the places God only knows
The treasures locked inside
I want to see it all so clear
Be able to rise above my fear
Rest INNNN the arms of one so dear
———
I'm tired I'd hedging my bets
I'm tired I'd keeping it ALL in
I'm TIRED, of smotherin’ the fire
If you had asked me what I was so tired of, what the fire was that was being smothered I wouldn't exactly know. I did know that I was inspired how some people lived so freely, while I lived so much more calculated, predictable, and small. My fire was so small that I didn't even know what it was.
I'm happy to say that in 2022 I'm no longer hedging my bets. I just realized how this song was a prayer and led the way for me - again not from my head, but in more profound, mysterious ways, that are more honest. Little by little I'm clicking off the ways that I was holding back and I'm going for it, with the opportunities that are presented. It's so scary, but so right. This is the kind of rightness that emotionally I don't always feel like I'm doing the right thing because emotional responses can be so patterned, wired, and intense. But when I am in the place of knowing - not from emotions, not from analyzing, I know it's right.
This is different territory. I'm navigating in darker places because there are fewer lights in this area serving as guideposts. It's not dark because it's wrong. It's dark because there are fewer people brave enough to shine their lights this way. It's scary and a lot of work with bravery. I can't wait to see what awaits me. No hedge betting over here! I pray and wish the same for you, but know it will look different in its own beautiful evolving manner.
May you always see the blessing.
Elle