R & R

R & R - rest and relaxation, right? Well, for me this next year - this next season - R & R holds the intention: rest and receive.

I have already been learning that when we hold onto things we can't receive. When we grasp for more, we don't actually end up with more - not the more that satisfies, anyway.

Rest for me is an act of letting go.  It is an act of resistance and defiance of the culture that insists I go, go, go. The society that tells me the path to more is through more. But this is not the way of ancient wisdom. The go, go, go arises from manipulation and fear. Sometimes it is someone else promising us more by playing on our fears; sometimes it is our fears that take the initiative to keep up moving and hustling at all costs.

I feel so content. This contentment comes out of a season of intense rest and a good deal of rest away from work and away from my normal routines. 

My appreciation of and practice of rest has benefitted me. As it benefits me, it benefits others.

But should this season of rest be a thing of the past, bringing me through the crisis of divorce and deepened mid-aged self-discovery? I could look at it with past tense verbs, filled with gratitude for that season.

I am incredibly grateful for that season. I am also grateful for the 3rd consecutive season of short early winter nights that I made it through without sadness, melancholy, and confusion. I am grateful for the healing it brought me. I am grateful that the rest prompted action and even brought adventure, while also teaching me to sit quietly at a park bench and just be or to observe and watercolor the surrounding nature.

The culture tells me. "Nice break, but you made it through, so time to get back to life as usual." But I'm not interested in life-as-usual. I'm interested in living the fullest, most integrated life I can. 

So as the calendar resets to a new year, I'm reminded of the whispered, hugging invitation of my new home - to lean into rest. I don't know how long I'll be in this back house, but I have at least a year lease. In September, I committed to making this place a refuge, a sanctuary, a place of healing, of connection, of laughter, of creation.

I fell in love with someone shortly after moving in and that has been another letting go, as I've been swept off my feet. But the back house invitation still remains and I'm reminded as I have some work-free time over the holidays.
In May, I sought deep rest as an emergency response to trauma and upheaval in my life. Can I seek it as a companion to the joy and contentment that I now feel?

Rest and relaxation are synonyms, as far as I can tell. Rest and receive are not synonymous, but are intertwined. I was able to take an unprecedented and unplanned four months off work in 2022 in response to my personal crisises. Can I learn from rest not in a season of crisis? I'm best at resting when I'm sick, when my body shuts down. That's when my partner can find me still and patient enough to sit through one if not two movies or binge-watch a show. That is to say, I'm not historically good at resting.

How do I rest when life is normal, no better than normal, when life is wonderful? I now know that I have everything I need. Are there still things that I want? Yes, absolutely! Do I still have plans? Yes - some defined and some still in progress.

This fall love taught me to let go, like it never has before. It taught me to receive and that though intense, it won't overwhelm me - it won't be too much.

Rest for so much of my life, including last year has been reactive. But this year, it is intentional. So New Year's Eve, I spent the evening moving around furniture and boxes and shuffling items in closets, why? Because me leisurely doing so was paying it forward to tomorrow Elle, who can sense the new season she is headed into by walking into the various rooms of her house - the various rooms which offer intention - intentional rest.

I look forward to the rest my home will offer me, my love, our two dogs, and all the friends, family and neighbors we welcome into it.

I am so excited and SO nervous to receive this year - to receive from the fruit of rest. I am anticipating being overwhelmed - overwhelmed by goodness.

• How are you at resting?

• Do you find rest helpful?

• Why do you think our society doesn't want us to rest?

• Is rest the same thing as lazy?

• What is something you can do to rest today?

May you always see the blessing.

-esb