Bursting With Ideas

Bursting with ideas, I go about my day. Never bored. There is too much to explore, too much to consider, too much to delight in.

But what then to focus on? Will my passion amount to anything if I can't reign it in? Is it meant to be reigned in?

Will my delighting in the multitude be sufficient to make a positive impact in the world? Does my struggle to focus make me flawed? Or does it remind me that I need other people? And that I need the right other people - people that see me and value me? People that encourage me and hold me up. People that are delighted in, rather than frustrated by me.

Brandi Carlile wrote that "only broken horses know to run." It is a play on words because we use the term "break" with horses in reference to winning over a horse to behave as you wish they would, rather than how they wish they would. It is breaking their spirit. It is getting them to submit.

But Brandi raised broken horses - broken in another sense. These were rejected horses, horses unwanted by others. These are the broken horses. They know how to run, to run free.

She identifies with those broken horses - rejected by others. By being "broken" she was never "broken". That is, by being labeled "broken", her spirit was never broken and she has been able to run free as a result in the beauty of the nature world, the creative and musical world, the relational world.  She was not boxed in. She was pushed outside the box.

We all belong outside the box. The box is not true. We should never fight for the box, never fight to fit in it - never fight to fit in. We are meant for wide open spaces.

Spiritual traditions speak of this. To mature, to become wise, to become enlightened, takes you to another place - another way of seeing. To see differently, you live differently. In more expansive places, we can play, participate, create, dance, delight, love and enjoy the interplay of all these.

We are meant to be ourselves. The only way to be ourselves is to go within, to live within ourselves, to experience and delight in the vastness of us. Vast and unique are thus related. We are each unique. We can never find our way by looking to another. Others can point us closer to our True North, closer to the Spirit, closer to our conscious, but it is the individual who must do the final work. And the final work is no short effort. It is a lifetime of work because the uniqueness of us is myriad, complicated, nuances, multi-layered - at times start and others subtle. The interplay between our various idiosynchricities are exquisitely unique, enigmatic, and enthralling when we pay attention.

Neurodivergent is how I now identify, although I have no such label proferred by another to substantiate this claim. I know from within as I meet others who feel more familiar to me than I've ever known, even though I've only just met them, even if just in words on a podcast, or in comedic lines from stand-up, or words on a book page or screen from a post. ADHD falls within neurodivergence. ADHD is a turn to describe a beautifully, active, and creative mind that is always exploring, considering, and delighting. What a tremendous way to live and a gift to the individual and those around them!

But as Paolo Coehlo writes: every blessing ignored becomes a curse. When we don't see neurodivergently, we become cursed. We expect everyone to fit in, to confirm, to climb inside the box. The box is stifling - not just for those with neurodivergence. ADHD offers so many observations, so many creative solutions, so many insights, but doesn't do well with "easy" yet mundane tasks - arriving on time, exploring just one aspect of a topic at a time (everything after all is related and it's helpful to understand the inter-relationship), responding to texts and emails, remembering why they came into this room from the other room.

Not only do those neurotypical folks miss out on these gifts, they create intense and immense suffering for those with neurodivergence who just want to belong, but have to settle for blending in to approximate being seen. Anxiety and depression rise up and persist and deepen. When you don't accept someone for who they are, you can never really love them. And to love one another is the greatest gift and thus the greatest commandment. Yes - the Bible says love God first, but God is love and love is a verb, so loving God IS loving others.

Not accepting others for who they are creates SO MUCH SUFFERING in the world - so much! Try to put yourself in the others' shoes. Why might they be late, not responding to your text, interjecting into the conversation and talking over you, why might they need more reminders than others? What are the gifts that that person offers that others don't - more efficient ways of doing things, more integrated actions, beautiful artistry, playfulness, wonder at the beauty of the world, sprawling and inviting visions.

So I don't think I need to bridle myself and reign myself into the box. Instead I need to learn more fully who I am and express this more fully into the world. To be part of the flow of love, I need to love myself and not block the flow of love when it knocks at my hearts door.

By ceasing to try to break myself into the submission of the mold of the culture around me, I free myself and I free others. Love can flow because me being me allows others to love the actual me, not the contrived, boxed expression of me. Me being me, allows others to consider that they too can be themselves. In being myself in all my quirks, I don't need others to be other than who they are. They are free to be themselves.

What a flow of love!

What a flow of creativity!

How fun to never be bored!

What a joy to better communicate who I am and to communicate more easily my love and consideration for others! (e.g I am more likely than often to be late, but I will be there, I will be happy to see you, appreciate you, and I will be very present during our time together.)

My creativity isn't meant to be harnessed, but to be shared. I can't control outcomes. I can't control whether I get credit (acclaim or financial reward) for my ideas. To guard them, hurts the world. The more we share freely and bravely, the more we will give credit to others when they share freely and bravely and we will all have enough. This is a big shift, but I told you - we neurodivergent folks have sweeping, prophetic visions that we hope to invite you to. It is one of our many gifts to the world.

• What gifts do you have?

• Would you rather fit in or belong?

• What has happened when you risked being your authentic self?

• Have you persisted in your authenticity long enough to find soul friends?

May you always see the blessing.

-esb