Pride 2024

Two years ago was my first pride parade and I was just an ally... kind of...not really. A quiet, partial ally isn't much of an ally.

I felt uncomfortable just being at a pride event. At the parade, I found everyone so joyful, and so accepting. Yet, I still was wary of being one of "them" - one of those whose existence and pride this parade celebrated.

I suppose I was there for curiosity. Falling in love with my best friend a few months earlier (the one who wasn't my husband, and wasn't a man), left me and others with questions. Would I, who fell in love with another woman, feel comfortable at this unabashed celebration? I wanted to find out. Interestingly, my theme for the year of curiosity predated the onslaught of my relational tumult.

I arrived wanting to know what a pride event was like in person. As an introverted person, I had concerns, but with my trusted Fuji lens in hand I ventured out alone, having lost my two best friends. I had a wonderful time, taking in all the sights, people, music, colors, and floats, and even managing to get free ice cream from Jeni's. (Sidenote: I don't know if Jeni is queer, but giving away free, high quality ice cream is a wonderful and appreciated thing for an ally to do.)

I must say, any discomfort I felt at the parade was internal. Nothing around me made me feel uncomfortable. (Full disclosure: I would not want to wear all the things that folks wore in the parade; THAT would have made me extremely uncomfortable!)

I did not feel gay while there. I somehow was continuing a goal I had my whole memorable life - not be seen as gay. Ally? Yes! But gay? No! Even though, I repeat, I had fallen in love with a woman four months prior!

The following year, 1 year ago, was my second pride parade and I went with my girlfriend. Again, I had not claimed labels for myself. I was playing around with them lacsidasically. The labels, it seems, for me are linked to trauma and false stereotype and homophobia, rather than feeling liberated as it feels for some.

Once again, it was a lovely time and, once again, Jeni's representatives imparted a token for a free ice cream into my hand. (Again, appreciated allyship!)

On this second outing, I joined my faith community as well as met up with some of my girlfriend's friends. I still did not identify with any lesbian talk and was surprised to hear some discussion about a lesbian card, in relation to whether someone had watched sufficient movies exploring the "L" word.

Maybe it's part of not feeling like I belong in any community that I am sceptical of labels and generally don't need to broadcast my allegiances and affinities. For example, I don't have any clothing anymore espousing my Wisconsin roots and alma mater there. Even my decade-long current employment at a university in southern California has left me mostly without any of their paraphernalia.

During pride month that year, I made the decision to "fly the flag" and purchased a pride flag with the trans triangle on it. I did the mental and emotional work and hung it from our front door. This flag of pride in self and love for humanity has adorned my girlfriend's and my door this past year, even serving as a privacy screen during these open door days of summer.

The "HUMAN" flag - colored in various colors of sexual orientation and which I simultaneously purchased - was far bigger than I ever imagined and consequently I struggled to find a place for it, only occasionally flying it in my work office. I love that flag. I just want to be me and follow and reveal the love in me. I love the reminder of how we are all the miracle: HUMAN.

I didn't truly get "ally" status for pride month until this year, two years later, because I can now dub myself an ally. It is marginalized folks who choose their allies - based on reputation, backed by word and action.

During this past June, I had my third pride parade experience. It was my first pride month publicly out and first with my girlfriend, turned fiancee! It cannot be stated enough: LOVE WINS!

May you always see the blessing.

-esb

• What flag are you working on flying?

• How has curiosity expanded your conception of love?

• What's a parade you'd like to take part in?

• What is a part of you which you'r'e proud of that much or some of society does not accept?