Motherhood/Feminism/Hairy Legs

What do motherhood, feminism, and hairy legs have in common? I'd like to explore that in these following lines.

It's complicated and nuanced.

Today is the day we celebrate motherhood. It is the day of mothers. Mother's Day. Mothering looks like so many things. It is fraught with adversity, complexity, uncertainty, diversity, shoulds, shame and on and on. Some of us are biological mothers. Some of us adored our mothers. Some of us feared our mothers. Some of us never new our mother. Some of us lost our mother. Some of us long for same flesh and name mothering. Some mother those in the variability of their daily lives without gifts or recognition.

Feminism too looks like many things, because femininity looks like so many things. Femininity can't be pinned down and neither came motherhood. Feminity is even a journey, as is motherhood.

Some time ago, maybe 3-4 months ago, maybe longer. Certainly during the cold Southern California winter sometime, I began to grow out my leg hair and I didn't stop. And it kept growing and growing and growing. I kept thinking what the heck! Is this mine? What happening?! What is wrong with me? I don't look like a women. I don't look like a lady. I don't look feminine. I don't look sexy.

I began noticing all these thoughts and a growth opportunity alarm went off. Incongruent! Incongruent the alarm screeched. My true beliefs were being exposed against what I thought were my beliefs. What I said I valued was not in fact what I valued.

I think I should love my body as it is. I think you should love your body as it is. As it is! Hard stuff right there.

So I value this, but I was struggling to live it out. I could live with leg hair if it was fine, sparse, and blond. Meaning, no one can generally tell if you have leg hair, let alone, if it is long, thick, and dense. Basically if you can't see it, I wouldn't mind it. Facepalm.

I had tried something similar this past pandemic summer (the pandemic has been incredible for such ventures as growing out hair). My summer go at it was ended much earlier. I was surprised then by the characteristics of my leg hair and very underwhelmed. I stretched myself and went out more hairy legged than I ever had before. I went into unchartered territory and I grew and was better for it. But the pause between that attempt and this attempt weren't sufficient to get me all the way there this go around. That is why last night I shaved my very hairy legs. I just am not able to view myself confidently and as sexy with that leg hair. I worked and persisted, but I need to like what I look like. With them shaved, I can. I immediately switched into repeatedly thinking how sexy I am and this is important and very healthy.

So yesterday I shaved my legs. It took some time! Immediately I felt better. Immediately my sense of worthy and sexiness went up without any additional effort.

I'm disappointed. Disappointed that I cannot yet love my body in it nature state. I want to encourage others to love their nature state. If more of us did, we would love very different. Beauty standards would be so wildly different. Frankly the ratio of hairy legg-ed men to women would likely be the same. i'll see when I come back to it. but as I leave my pandemic vaccination vacation first trip to Hawaii, I need to feel sexy and fully in my body to rest for these 5 days. I need this rest. We all need rest. I need the rest from this trip to do the mothering for the patients I partner with and the students of future healing that I guide.

Love yourself as you are.

See the blessing.

Elle

Oh! PS - I talk about things like this in my upcoming book due out this semester. You can sign-up for email updates on the homepage.